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* Stay By Me *

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Friday, October 27, 2006

jen and lala>

somehow I feel that there is this gap between us..

And very importantly, i get jealous whenever I see him chatting and luffing away with other girls.. I jus feel so uncomfortable and just not happy..

# posted by Ev3 | 10/27/2006 10:36:00 pm | 0 comments

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

lala is jealous..>

I'm so JealouS!!!!!

I saw His Wallpaper is the photo of him and his ex-gf at his commissioning ball..!!!

So Angry and Jealous...

I really duunno how to react..

Even though i seem to be alright on the surface...

inside me is horrid..

I'm thInking why must he put that as his wallpaper in his laptop??

hello.. i'm your current gf.. and is this how i shld be treated???

i really afraid of flaring up..

dunno why but seem to hav tone my temper down a lot..

if this happened last time, i might have jus scold pple and got pissed off le..

but this time, i hold my temper...

i want to see what kind of explanations he wan to give me..

he didnt say anythin abt tt background despite me knowing tt i saw it..

how can i be so calm??? i oso dun understand myself..

work is piling..

exams is coming..

lala is waiting...

for holidays are comin...

i dun wan to care le...

if really cannot cure, den break lor..

but i dun hope to be the one breakin la...

# posted by Ev3 | 10/17/2006 01:35:00 am | 0 comments

Friday, October 13, 2006

Worried>

i'm really worried for our future..

in fact i dun see a future..

i really feel very neglected.

you always seem to place so many things before me..

and i really cant stand it..

if u really love a person,

wouldnt you wan or long to see her?

wouldnt you?

why is it that i seem to be of the lowest importance in your heart.?

why cant i feel that i'm being cherished/ treasured?

maybe it's me being too sensitive..

maybe i'm being too pessimistic..

but i really cant feel your love..

i'm jus being too nice,

suppressing my inner self...

i pretended to feel loved in front of u and other pple,

but inside me.. i cant cheat myself..

tears start to roll down like before..

this blog has been flooded with all my tears...

i wonder when's the day that i will hav no more tears...

i really love u..

i love u so much that i can sacrifice myself..

or rather...

i love u more than i love myself..

why is that so? why?

i hate myself for accepting you so fast..

i hate myself for being such a weakling..

i hate myself for not knowing u more..

i hate myself for loving u..

i used to think u are a sensitive guy..

but i'm wrong..

i'm waiting for the day to see a future in us..

but i doubt i will see it..

somebody pls prove me wrong..

now that they are cycling,

i wonder if he's thinking of me...

i believe that he wun..

i feel like hating him..

but it's difficult..

i thought of breaking up..

but i cant bear to leave him..

maybe we jus leave it as it is..

he will come to me when he needs me..

but he will nv come to me when i need him..

my heart feels painful..

as if it is being torn apart..

excruciating pain...

nv have such feelings before..

i pray that he will one day put me into one of his priorities..

i pray that he will come when i need him..

i pray that we can watch a movie together..

i pray that i can be less sensitive and less pessimistic..

i pray that i can love him less..

i pray that he can treasure me more..

i pray that we can always be together...

i pray that i can see a future in us..

i'm really really worried..

worried that i will someday lose him...

somebody save me.....

# posted by Ev3 | 10/13/2006 10:20:00 pm | 0 comments

Sunday, October 08, 2006

morning wake up, found my eyes swollen..

den checked my mails..

diana again sent me email and shoot me.. but not as bad as previous email tt she has sent..

well.. i really dun care le..

i will jus complete my part den do some editing according to what I think..

den whether they want to use or not..

up to them..

this 10% jus let them do whatever they like..

i hav no control over it..

suX.. this semester simply horrible and problematic..

i dun care how pple look at me as long as i feel tt i'm right..

to me, they are jus lousy and i shant argue with her anymore..

waste time; waste effort; waste energy..

rather use my time, effort and energy on somewhere else..

wadever u wan say, say lor..

it doesnt matter to me, cos i dun treat u as anythin... simply ignore..

lala is evil in her words.. but i dun care..

# posted by Ev3 | 10/08/2006 11:50:00 am | 0 comments

horrible feelings.. horrible me..>

I hate You!!.. i really hate u...

u made me sound like a really lousy gf..

u failed and disappointed me 7 days ago.. u felt u were a lousy bf..

now u are passing me tt kind of feeling that u felt..

wadever..

by nature, i'm jus lian.. dao.. not sociable.. unfriendly.. and cant be bothered by others..

i like who i am..

we have too many unsimilarities.. so many tt most of our views jus clash..

u said u love me but i cant feel it..

maybe i'm really wrong to leave u there alone..

maybe i shld hav accompanied u...

maybe...

but i was too jealous tt night..

i jus hav no mood to do tt..

no mood to cheer u up.

i dun need u to take care of me..

jus leave me alone since u are always not free..

jus let me flirt with other guys..

let me drown in them..

the purpose is jus to let u treasure me more..

stop taking me for granted..

stop thinking tt i will naturally be there for u..

sorry.. i wun esp when i'm jealous and pissed..

somehow i became very easily jealous after knowin u..

i dunno why oso..

i jus hav the urge to change ur bad habits.. and u..

maybe i'm wrong.. i hav used the wrong way..

but well, i'm not goin to care anymore..

since i'm not ur parents..

i cant change u...

u pampered kid.. difficult to please and humour..

i will stop all my efforts..

stop havin so much hopes in u..

stop all my dreams that i probably have..

i wished i nv know u..

i wished u were nv in my heart..

i wished u nv come into my life..

den i will be freed from all these problems and sadness..

i told u.. i'm not ready..

i warned u before i'm demandin..

after u gained me, everything stops there..

everything changes..

u are no longer the Jen whom i knew be4 we got attached..

ur attitude changes 360 degrees..

u expect me to change.. change my perception of relationships.. change my perception of love..

such an awful feeling tt i hav nv felt before..

i dunnoe how to describe..

i jus feel miserable extremely miserable..

why did u make me like this??

i really dunno if i can continue...

# posted by Ev3 | 10/08/2006 02:14:00 am | 0 comments

him again..>

why must it be him influencing my feelings?
- both positively and negatively

why did he vent his anger on me?

why doesnt he keep his promises?

why did he like me?

why did he choose me, making life so miserable becos of him?
-think he picked the wrong person.
-he's not my type and i'm not his type

why cant he be alittle more xi xin?

why must he always think so highly of himself, and make others look so small?

why shld i compromise?
-when compromised too many times, everything jus numbs

why did i do so many things for him?

why is he always in my priority list?

why am i not in his priority?

i'm getting tired..
tired of listening to his grumbles and excuses..

he's tired too..
tired of listening me complaining abt him..

if both are tired, den maybe it's time..
maybe we shant continue further..

perhaps..
perhaps..
i will live happier without him..

# posted by Ev3 | 10/08/2006 12:59:00 am | 0 comments