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* Stay By Me *

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Saturday, November 11, 2006

broke up..>

finally, this is the end of our relationship..

i'm glad that i hav made such decision..

he was NV meant to be mine..

despite him saying that he is..

i'm jus too naive to believe in him..

so foolish and stupid of me to do tt..

u noe wad...

i hav to thank him for being the 1st guy to make me cry so much..

but seriously, i enjoyed my 1st 2 weeks of the relationship..

he gave me a fantasy..

but that's jus a fantasy.. it's nv realistic..

he called me at 2am..

woke me up from my sleep..

dint wan to pick up initially...

but i guess i shld jus sort it out once and for all..

this is my first or maybe second relationship that i'm so rational

and nice with my tone..

i guess i'm jus nice to bully and easy to bully...

in the 1st place, i guessed he just crush me..

but as days pass, his little love faded..

and i witnessed it very clearly..

very very clearly..

it's such a huge and major transition that it shocked me oso..

and even before we reach 1 mth anniversary..

i already saw the problem surfacing..

i wanted and i've tried to revive it..

to no avail.. everything tt i hav done is useles..

for his heart is no longer with me...

his passion is his sch work and de club matters..

sometimes it really make me ponder..

maybe he wanted to be with me so that he can better socialise with other pple..

maybe i was jus a stepping stone for him to suceed..

maybe he nv meant to love me...

i'm probably being toyed..

thanx again...

you are the FIRST guy to toy with my feelings..

well done...

nv did i expect u to be such a guy..

i'm so glad that i'm finally awake...

this horrible nightmare...

everyday woke up, i will always question myself if u really cherish me...

was it becos i was too easy to tame?

u always have many excuses to make urself sound reasonable..

however..

i hav seen through u...

finally saw ur true self when u sms such a horribel msg to me..

u noe wad he sent?

he asked me not to be childish, ask me to be more mature..

he asked why cant we continue to be friends?

but the real thing is he doesnt want his evil actions to be exposed..

he doesnt want to leave a bad impression to the pple i'm close with...

he noes they will probably side me and pity with me..

den he will probably be seen as the evil guy which he doesnt want to..

alright.. u are great...

to think u can forecast such matters..

i really very pei fu ni...

u horrible guy...

U are THE WORST GUY I have ever came across..

u will not succeed in being a good leader...

u noe why because u are so hypocrite... so fake..

i will see that u will not become the president for next year's DE Club...

u will NOT!!!

this morning i woke up...

when washing up saw my puffy eyes again..

den i talked to myself...

i told myself i hav to be strong..

i hav to do better than him in ALL areas..

and i will definitely live a better life without him..

it is foolish to sacrifice my results jus to cry becos i lost him...

it's definitely fyne for me...

i will not be so stupid anymore...

however.. God taught us...

Love ur neighbour..

i really want to do that...

but i'm thInking how to..

hmm.. God, i really doubt i can..

he's the WORST BF i hav ever had..

even worst than my first...

u noe this simply tells me that i will hav to depend on myself...

women jus cant rely on guys to survive

for all guys are not trustable (maybe except for some minority cases)

but generally, women will live better to earn a living herself...

i will be one of the successful women in my career..

i definitely will...

and this lesson is well learnt..

thanx for the good memories..

but i guess i hav to throw them into the dustbin

for those arent real.. they are merely fantasy...

I must do WELL in this exam..

I must!!!

# posted by Ev3 | 11/11/2006 09:32:00 am | 0 comments

wo men fen shou ba...>

cried again.. probably for the last time le ba..

this relationship is my first time that i hav kept crying and crying..

so much sorrows...

so much unhappiness..

make me wonder wad made me start this...

i'm too soft hearted..

i shldnt hav agree..

den such a tragedy wouldnt hav happened..

if he doesnt noe me well.. he shldnt hav started..

if i dunnoe him well.. i shldnt hav agreed too..

first, let me tell u wad triggered my decision...

Joel was trying to advice me on how to tell him..

cos Joel noes he's a very egoistic person

and he said that guys like him doesnt like to admit tt he is wrong even if he's really wrong..

he oso told me that before.. but i cant accept it...

i'm those gals who is very clear with right and wrong..

and i will want guys who are wrong to admit their mistakes...

second, joel told me that Jen once told him that he used to pay alot of attention to his ex gf...

i'm jealous.. very very jealous..

u hav given me so little of ur time when u in fact gave so much to ur ex..

is this fair?

if u like her, woo her back..

dun use me as a replacement or substitute..

i tell u.. i am not..

i can tolerate almost everything that u do

but i jus cant tolerate this point..

i'm so disappointed with u...

i cant desrcibe how i'm feeling now...

it is a mixed of everything...

jealousy, sadness, tears, anger, frustration, as well as bizarre..

puzzled with the fact that why u can dun sms me for so many days...

if u like a person, wouldnt u wan to sms him/her at least once a time?

how could u do this to me?!

do u thInk that i'm yours forever?!

let me tell u.. i dun need u..

i think i will live a much better life without u...

dere will at least be no more tears, and guiltyness..

and i will live happier like before..

going out with anyone that i like..

dun need to care abt ur feelings..

dun need to care abt whether u are hungry..

dun need to care if u are tired... or sleepy..

dun need to care abt anything..

i jus need to care abt myself and that's all..

no more heart shattering.. no more heartpain..

no more when without u!!!

perfect life isnt it..

u are so unfair..

walked into my life..

promised to give me so much..

but yet.. u delivered so little..

guys simply cant be trusted..

u wasted my love..

i will remove u from my heart..

that may hurt but i think that's the best way..

i dun wan to stuck in Jenism..

and lose myself..

i dun wan to question myself everyday on

whether u cherish me..

and whether u really love me..

i jus wan my happiness back..

if u cant give it to me..

den let me go...

# posted by Ev3 | 11/11/2006 01:05:00 am | 0 comments

Thursday, November 09, 2006

tired..>

blow wind blow..

blow waD?

blow lala and Jia wei..

sometimes, i just hav this urge to tell him

let's break up ba..

i can guess tt he will probably hav no reaction ba..

but for me, i will need another few months to recover..

i can tolerate if you dun spend time with me

but i cant tolerate not feeling cherished by by other half..

i feel tt i am so gonna breakdown...

everyday thInk about u..

but i noe u arent..

u dun care a damn abt me...

i really can stand it!! i canT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i hav a very strong feeling tt i will initiate the break up very soon..

i kept giving u chances..

but u blew them..

i have NV NV EVER in my life given so many chances to any guy before!!!

NEVER!!!

if i get pissed with a guy,

i will tell him straight..

and even if he noes his mistake,

it will still affect the image that he has given me..

i want to tell u...

i had enuff..

i cant hav a relationship when i am not feeling happy at all..

worst, not feeling loved..

u failed TERRIBLY as a BF..

i wonder how ur ex gf managed to be with u for so many years..

i really wonders............................................................

ARGgGggg...

i hate u, but i jus cant..

i love u, but i hate ur ugly side...

i hate it when u smoke...

i hate it when u get so MCP..

i hate it when u dun reply my sms..

i hate u i hate u i hate u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i really gonna breakdown le la...

# posted by Ev3 | 11/09/2006 08:11:00 pm | 0 comments

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Angry!!>

siGhx..

bad day!! cos dint accomplish much!! soBx.. felt like i was as though wastin time.. shiT!

haix.. had a whole free day to myself.. spent the day home..

was studying but somehow it wasnt as efficient as i thought i should..

first, I didnt wake up early.. shld woke up by 6or 7am. but only woke up at 9 or 10am? haix..

second, 1 chapter took me 2 hrs?

third, watched 1 hr tv after studying 2 hrs (meaning tt's when i only accomplish a chpt)

fourth, haix.. haix.. haix..

maybe i shld have gone to coffee bean.. den i will perhaps be more efficient..

now, i am doing on my ES 2007D past year letter and report.. hope i can finish den after that do my RE2380 tutorial for tmr..

hope tmr will be better.. =)

God please help this angel..

# posted by Ev3 | 11/08/2006 08:06:00 pm | 0 comments

Saturday, November 04, 2006

exams coming..>

Exams comIng!!

I only hav less than 3 weeks to study..

I still remember that starting of the sem, i told myself i'm goin to pull my CAPs to 4.0, meaning i will need at least 4.2 for this sem..

But now.. i wonder..

Damn sucky now.. must start to pia again.. i hate that feelin la..

everyday jus mug and mug..

study so much oso dunno if i really remember..

sianx...

went out with don tonight..

he felt very lousy cos of his work.. the presentation to be precise...

hmm.. but seriously cannot blame him.. cos he was sick mahx..

how can u categorise/ label someone as bad performance just becos of his illness?!

but thInk quite suay for hIm to get sick/ cough at that point of time..

if i were hIm, i would definitely feel as lousy or if not worst than hIm de..

well, since wad has happened cant be undone, den hav to live with it.. no choice..

learn to accept this fact even though it may be very difficult..

sighx..

on the other hand, pear also have problems..

thInk i'm very fortunate as compared to them le..

i must learn to live happily everyday..

and all of you must try to be more positive towards life..

despite all the problems and troubles that u are facing..

jus thInk..

life is already miserable enuff..

u still wan to add on the misery by being pessimistic??

being pessimistic doesnt solve the problems at all!

it simply adds on to your burden and pain..

learn to let go...

and you will realise that this world is still beautiful...

=)

# posted by Ev3 | 11/04/2006 11:20:00 pm | 0 comments

lA la & Jen>

mE and Jen hope to be together forever and ever..

i realised tt i seem to hav sank into Jenism..

he's what i need

his behaviour and actions influence and control my emotions..

i love him.. and wanna be with him..

we went out together.. he bought his car.. hmm.. it's white, one of my fav colours.. =)

we went vivo city to shop around..

ate dinner at katong..

we ate yong tau foo, laksa and rojak..

fun cos i can see hIm.. and most importantly feel him..

i'm no longer myself but jen's gf..

# posted by Ev3 | 11/04/2006 12:36:00 am | 0 comments